The main romance scam warning signs are pressure to move the conversation somewhere private, strong feelings that arrive very fast, reasons they can never meet or video call, and any request for money or an investment. If you spot one, slow down, don't send anything, and talk to someone you trust. If you've already sent money, contact your bank straight away and report it.
The pattern behind most romance scams
Scams differ in the details, but many follow the same arc. First comes attention: warm messages, lots of questions, a profile that seems to share all your interests. Then comes closeness, with declarations of love or "I've never felt this way" after only days or weeks. Then comes a problem that only money can fix.
The order matters more than any single sign. Plenty of genuine people are enthusiastic early on. What stands out is the combination of speed, secrecy and an eventual request. If you're unsure, ask yourself: "If this person asked me for money tomorrow, would I be surprised?" If the honest answer is no, you've got your answer about the pace.
Early warning signs
These show up before any money is mentioned:
- They want to move to a private chat or another app within the first few messages.
- They say they love you, or call you their future, very quickly.
- They're always travelling, working overseas, deployed or on a remote site.
- Their story has gaps or changes between conversations.
- Their photos look polished or unusually perfect, and they can't share a casual one on request.
- They avoid video calls, or cancel them at the last minute, every time.
- They ask a lot about your finances, savings or whether you live alone, but share little checkable detail about themselves.
One of these on its own is a reason to be careful, not proof. Several together deserve a firm pause. Our guide to spotting a fake profile and the post on checking if someone's photos are real give practical ways to test what you're seeing.
Money warning signs
Once trust is built, the request comes. It often arrives as an emergency: a hospital bill, a customs fee, a stolen wallet, a frozen account, a flight home. Sometimes it arrives as an opportunity instead, such as a tip on cryptocurrency or a trading platform they say has changed their life, with an offer to "show you how".
Treat all of these as red flags:
- Any request for money, gift cards, cryptocurrency or bank transfers from someone you haven't met in person.
- Any investment pitch from a person you met through dating.
- Requests to keep it secret, or to not tell your family and friends.
- Pressure about time: "I need it today", "there's only a short window".
- Anger, guilt or heartbreak when you hesitate.
A decision rule to keep: you never owe money to someone you've only known online. A caring partner doesn't mind when you say "I'll think about it and talk to a friend". A scammer usually escalates.
What to do if you suspect a scam
You don't have to be certain. Acting early costs you very little.
- Stop sending money or personal information. Don't confront them first, as that can lead to a more pressured pitch or to them vanishing.
- Keep the evidence: messages, usernames, profile links, payment receipts and account details. Screenshot before anything is deleted.
- Call your bank or card provider, using the number on your card, and ask what can be done about payments you've made. Speed helps.
- Report it to Scamwatch, and to ReportCyber through cyber.gov.au if you've lost money or had your accounts or details compromised.
- Change passwords on any account you shared or that uses the same password, and turn on 2-step sign-in if it's offered.
- Tell someone. A friend, family member or your doctor can steady a stressful moment.
If someone is threatening you, or threatening to share private images, stop responding and contact the eSafety Commissioner. If you ever feel in immediate danger, call 000.
If you've already been caught out
It happens to careful, intelligent people. Scammers are practised at building trust, and they often spend weeks or months doing it. Feeling embarrassed is common, and it's a reason scams go unreported.
You haven't done anything shameful by caring about someone who wasn't real. Reporting is worth doing even if the money is gone, because it helps authorities see patterns. Be wary of anyone who contacts you afterwards offering to recover your money for a fee. That is a known follow-up tactic.
If you're struggling, talk to someone. Beyond Blue offers support for stress, low mood and anxiety, and your doctor is a good first step too.
Keeping the habits that protect you
A few habits cut your risk without making dating less enjoyable. Move at your own speed. Insist on a video call before you meet. Keep money out of every conversation. Read our online dating safety tips for Australians for the full set.
On SetsOfLove, there are no messages, comments or likes, so any conversation that follows a profile happens somewhere else. Gym membership isn't checked and lifts are self-reported, so a profile isn't proof of anything. Contact details aren't allowed in public text fields, so if a profile includes a phone number or a handle, that's worth reporting. Whoever you speak to, and wherever, the same rule holds: no money, ever, for someone you haven't met.